How to Get Over Your First Love

Perhaps nothing is ever quite as painful as getting over your first love. It’s not just any old break-up; this is the boy/girl who taught you what it means to fall in love. You thought you’d spend the rest of your lives together. You made plans for the future to live together or go to college together. You have loads of jokes and memories of the time you spent together. Now that it’s over, you’re scared that you’ll never find anyone to ever replace them, or maybe you’re just afraid that you wont ever be as happy with someone else. Here are some tips to help you get over it.

Steps

Your Ex

1. Cut off all communication with your ex. Harsh, but it’s the only thing that works. You probably feel like you’re losing the best friend you ever had, the only person who truly understood you. It might hurt at first, but it will get better. You cannot be friends while you attempt to get over each other.
2. Do not hook up at all with your ex. You will start right back at square one, and all the work you did trying to get over them will be wasted.

1. Recall why you broke up, what you hated about him/her, and what you could never agree on. You may tend to remember only what you love about your ex, and your happiest memories together. If they cheated on you, stop justifying it, and realize you can find someone who loves you and would never be unfaithful.
2. Realize that just because this relationship is over, it doesn’t mean that you’ll never find love again. Ask your friends, your parents, how they got over their first loves. Many people will remember how hard it was to get over them but will also admit that they found greater loves in their lifetime.

You may find it hard to sleep, or get back to sleep when you wake in the middle of the night. When it is dark, and everyone else around you is sound asleep, this can be the most lonely time ever. During the day take lots of exercise, go for a long long walk, make sure you are exhausted when you go to bed, it will help you sleep better/get off to sleep. You’ll also benefit physically from the extra activity, and exercise is great for depression.
Friends and Family

1. Don’t try to get through this alone. Your friends are very important. They will help you survive by listening to you and offering advice. If you forgot about them while you were with your boy/girlfriend, ask if you can be forgiven. If they really were true friends they will forgiveyou and want to help you get over it. Try to avoid friends who are very close with your ex, as they are bound to talk about him/her and bring you down inadvertently.
2. Talk to and see your friends and family more. It’s good to listen to others and what they have to say, but if you can talk more, you’ll find yourself truly getting your mind off of him/her for the time being. If you make your world bigger, then s/he will become less important.
3. Be open and honest about how you are feeling. Don’t pretend, for yourself or others, that you are okay if you’re not. Also realize that you are allowed to be okay. You do not have to feel sad all the time, or at all. Talk to people instead of just holding it in and being moody. Other people can support you if they actually know what is going on.
4. Remember there are other people who care. Even if it doesn’t always feel that way, there are. There are people around you who understand, and will help.
5. Do not ask your friends if they have seen your ex. Do not ask how s/he is; you do not want to know.

You

1. Cry. It’s okay to cry. Just let it all out. You will feel much better after you do.
2. Use your breakup as an opportunity to become the person you have always wanted to be. Take on a daunting goal such as learning a new language, instrument, or skill. There has never been a better time to set these goals in motion, and now you have a lot more time to do it!
3. Don’t Fill up your MP3 player with the saddest love songs you can think of. Sad songs just make you think of what went wrong and it’s hard to move on when all you think about are the lyrics of a sad song you relate to. Try happy songs instead. Try some songs that were written to remind you that you’re not the only one not having any fun and that you need to work to be happy again. Music can help heal you; just give it time.
4. Do anything you can to make yourself feel desirable. Get a haircut or add highlights. Go to the gym. Buy a new outfit. Dress up and dance in front of your mirror to club music. Remember all the times s/he told you that you are the most beautiful person in the universe, convince yourself that it is indeed true, and that someone else will appreciate you the way s/he once did.
5. Endure the pain and loneliness bravely. With time, the pain will heal. Are you a strong person who can get through this or a weak one who will wither from one failed relationship? Don’t succumb to weakness. Retain your pride and hold your head up. There’s nothing better than that.
   • Always remember that you’re better off without him/her because someone who you thought loved you who leaves isn’t worth your tears or pain… “Never cry for someone that will never cry for you.”
6. Poetry. Poetry can really help you, either writing or reading it. Try researching about authors who wrote love poems, so that they can work just like the songs in your MP3. Also it’s good to put your feelings on a piece of paper. Don’t bother if the poem’s quality is below the authors you like. You’re not doing it to publish. Paper can be a great listener, sometimes the best.

Tips

• Do not under any circumstances, carry on “sleeping” with your ex. You are more worthy than that, and deep down, you know it’s because you still have them in your life. This will only hurt you in the long run.

• Don’t be so naive as to believe that you will never love anyone as much as your first love. Most first loves and heartbreaks occur during teen years or early 20s. You still have most of your life ahead of you to find the love of your life.

• Don’t find an excuse to ask them about any situation. ex. How’s your mom? or Remind me again why we broke up? This will only hurt you in the end and will eventually seem like you are begging for them back. Giving them the power and you helpless waiting for his response that you will never get in return.

• With maturity, your capacity to love another human being grows. Be grateful for the experience of your first love.
• Remember that getting your heart broken for the first time is a fact of life.
• Recognize that you have the power of choice in your life.
• Don’t try getting back with your ex. You broke up for a reason, even if you can’t really understand that reason.
• If it has been a very long time since the breakup and it’s either not going away or getting worse and worse, you should probably seek help.
• If you feel suicidal, seek help. Nothing in your life should push you to that point.
• Don’t tell him/her that you still love them. You might love them for a while longer, but remember that love is not enough and that your relationship ended for a reason. If you need to, write down the reasons.
• Avoid statements like “I’ll never get over him/her.” It might seem that way, but it is short-sighted and, in the long run, not true.
• Don’t pretend like you are still together or think of yourselves as a couple. If people refer to him/her as your boy/girlfriend, then correct them. Even if you know that you’re no longer together, saying it aloud will get the message across to yourself more strongly and help you to move on more readily.
• If you know their passwords to their email/Myspace/Facebook/etc., resist the temptation to go into their accounts. It will make the pain worse. If they have your passwords, change them immediately. Also, delete them as “friends” on facebook or even block them, so that you cannot search or find their profile anymore. They will not be notified and you will not be tempted to stay involved in their life. It is time to forget them as best you can. Also, you do not want to be notified every time they do an update. At a minimum, change your settings so you are not notified every time they update something. Sitting there looking at their recent happy pic with their new GF or BF is not going to be fun. Do not put yourself through that.
• Whenever you find yourself dwelling on what you’re going through, pick up a book and read yourself out of it. Sometimes distancing yourself from the world by visiting another will help ease your emotions and make it easier to get used to spending time by yourself.
• No relationship is ever a mistake if you can get something out of it, such as learning something new about yourself. You might learn that you are indeed a very stubborn person that this might be the opportunity to change yourself for the better and to become a more open minded person. You might also learn that you are a very jealous lover, in which case you can take steps to becoming a less jealous boyfriend or girlfriend.

• Sometimes it is impossible to end on good terms with an Ex and you ought to cut off contact as much as possible if it is the most healthy thing to do. But if the possibility is there, then being on good terms with your Ex is a good place to be in. Otherwise, bitterness and anger between you two will eat you up inside. Be graceful and polite (but brief) if your Ex tries to contact you. If this happens, communicate that you would appreciate more distance in order to make it easier on yourself to move on. Use “I” statements like “I need more space” and avoid accusations. Save face and keep grace, and maybe eventually you two can be on good terms with each other later, even if the relationship part did not work out. You may regret making enemies with your first love later, even if you are bitter or angry about the break-up/relationship now.

• Cry, and Cry and Cry as much as you can because it will help your emotions. After this you will feel a lot better. Make sure you call your best friends and have happy conversations after.
• Try writing what you’re feeling. When you have bad thoughts and feelings repeating in your head, writing it down can provide relief.
• Do not get a rebound girlfriend/boyfriend. This will not help you move on, because you will simply transmit the feelings you once had for your Ex onto the new person. This is unfair and inconsiderate of the person at hand, and you yourself will end up perpetually upset whenever this new person does not conform to standards of how your Ex once was. Rebounds are a very bad idea in general.
• Do not be afraid to love again. Just because your first love did not work once does not mean it will not ever work. Every person is different, and so every relationship dynamic will play out differently with different people, for both better and worse. While it is unhealthy to quickly get into another relationship for the wrong reasons, it is equally unhealthy to avoid relationships entirely. Try and judge every relationship according to their own terms, not in terms of how your past relationship(s) worked out.

Warnings

• Don’t drink alcohol or get addicted to drugs to help get rid of your problems. It won’t help in the long run, and it might end up making things worse. Also, focus on your health!!!.. Eat a cleaner diet and exercise more. You will look better, feel better, and feel better about yourself. Exercise is a great cure for depression.
• Even if you feel like you hate them, don’t bad-mouth them, it will just make you feel worse when your guilt kicks in, which it probably will shortly, perhaps even immediately after you say it. Also, bad-mouthing them is petty and is a poor reflection on YOU. Remember, there are 3 sides to every breakup: Your side, Their side, and the truth. Sometimes it is good to vent about them. Recognize the difference, and when you are venting, make sure it is with closer friends and it is done in private.
• If you’re still dwelling on it six months later, friends might start snapping at you to just get over it. Realize that everyone has their breaking point and that the subject can get tiresome. Your friends still love you, but don’t impose on them. If you really need to talk about your ex, ask them if they are willing to listen. If you can’t respect their boundaries, you will begin to lose friends.
• Remember that you are not the only one in the world who has had their heart broken. Being aware of that, mope away, but try not to let it consume your entire day. This kind of thing makes you seem pathetic and won’t let you move on.
• Don’t keep running back. Although it seems like it will make things better, it’s only temporary. If you keep running back, it just makes it that much worse in the end.
• No Stalking!!. Don’t resort to tracking your ex’s every movement. Having mutual friends tell you everything they’re doing, how great they are, who they’re dating, and how they don’t talk about you will only make you feel worse. You don’t need to know. You simply need to let it be. Remember – they will figure out what you’re trying to do, and you will look like the crazy one who’s still not over it. Don’t give them that satisfaction when you will be fine without it. This extends to using the Internet to track down your ex’s activities.
• Don’t stop doing things/watching things/listening to things etc. just because it will remind you of your ex. Such is life. You will only be limiting your life even more, and doing yourself damage.
• If you are feeling suicidal, remember that you are not alone. Seek help.
• It is very, very, very hard, but you need to get to the point where this person never existed. Everyone has gone through this. You are not alone. Your friends love you, your family loves you. For their sake as well as your own, you need to work at getting over your love.
• Try to keep in mind the bad things that your ex did or was that drove you crazy. Everytime you feel the need to remember your ex just try to replay the worst things they did and keep that in mind because it’ll make you feel better.
• Just remember this saying: Out of sight, out of mind. It does work.

• Resist the temptation to initiate communication with your ex and ask them to rekindle the relationship. What’s done can’t be reversed. The ex has made up his/her mind and the decision can’t be undone. Just think of them as a loser and you’ll find someone better.
• Cultivate new hobbies. Do all those things that you LIKE to do.Stay busy all the time. Time will help you to get over this too.Remember, a first breakup is all about learning’s… A lot of them. And probably, this phase is also necessary in life ..just like a thing like puberty is ;)
• Don’t let your Ex make you feel bad about your self yes they will probably talk bad things about you but don’t give mind to it after your Ex will realize that they were wrong
• Checking your ex’s facebook is a big no no. It will just make you upset to see the picture, or reading posts from other people. We recommend removing your Ex entirely (indirect, or direct contact) this is to make the process easier. In time you can be friends, but take the necessary time to forget your Ex.
• For new relationship to grow one must learn to love again.