Parang Kayo, Pero Hindi.

PSEUDO-RELATIONSHIP: Others call it MU or mutual understanding, flings, harmless flirting, or even FUBU (if there are sexual encounters involved). A stage wherein the people involved are obviously more than friends, but not quite lovers. No courtship, you just let the gestures do the talking for you. You don’t even consider it as exclusively dating. You go out, text sweet nothings every single day, hold hands, make out, even have sex. Pero bawal magselos, bawal magdemand. In short, parang kayo -- pero hindi.

Recently, someone emailed me an article on pseudo-relationships (which gave me an idea for this blog entry) and it enlightened me because finally – I found just the exact right term for what I know is existing and yet very confusing for most. So now we know what’s it called -- why do people settle in this kind of setup? Well, based from my observation from people I know (and yeah, personal experiences as well), pseudo-relationships happen for several reasons.

First obvious reason is the refusal to commit. Either one or both of them. They want to play around and “enjoy” being single. Both are single, but usually one or both don’t wanna go through the drama of being in-love and change their relationship status on facebook. This normally happens when one of them just got out of a pretty messy relationship and wants to have fun. Classic.

Second, when one is committed to someone else and the other is the“alternate.” In short, third party. This is kinda hard core (in my opinion), especially since may mga naaargabyadong tao: the legit one and the third party. Most of the time, it’s the boys (I refuse to call them “men”) who usually enter in this kind of cheating setup but I’ve heard stories on girls too. Either way, having a “part-time partner” is a little too pathetic. How sad.

Third, the feeling of being accepted and loved. You refuse to be alone. For some, being single for quite some time equates to not being loved. “Buti na yun, kesa wala..” Meaning, you settle for a playtime while waiting for the real thing. You want to experience the kilig feeling again, excluding the tremendous responsibility of commitment. Who doesn’t want to feel being important? It is fun – until you get to question yourself if you wanna be just a stop-over or eventually be his/her destination.

Pseudo-relationships are indeed fun – in the beginning. It feels good to have someone asking you how your day was, constant movie-buddy, ka-call and text till wee hours of the night. But eventually, reality hits you when you start falling for that person and he or she is, well..not feeling the same thing. What if you already invested all your emotions and refuse to entertain other people – pero siya, out there and flirting with other people too? Ouch diba? You can’t demand nor even ask, kasi – reality check: HINDI NGA KAYO EH.

Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso hindi eh.The relationship is false, but the pain is real. And somehow, you hope that everything will go back to the way it was. You begin to rethink what went wrong, blame yourself and act all miserable. You try to win back that person, only to find out that that person is already in another pseudo-relationship with someone else.

As cliché as it may sound, but time really heals all wounds. It’s all about mind-setting. It will come to a point that you will have to choose how you want to live your life. Do you want to be happy and live for the moment even if it’s just a game? Or do you want to stop settling for pseudo-boyfriends/girlfriends and wait for the real thing?

For those who are into pseudo-relationships, brace yourselves as you are about to break one’s heart – either your partner or yourself. You know why? Kasi ang “parang kayo, pero hindi” stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang dun lang siya – almost, but not quite.